August 27th -The Day That Changed My Life- A personal noteby Ashton Taylor on 08/27/13
As many of you may know, today marks 2 years since my precious brothers passing. To say Scott was my best friend- would be an understatement. He was my everything. Scott and I were there for each other in times of need, fear, sorrow, excitement, and had each other's back like no one could imagine. Being 1 1/2 year apart meant that we fought like crazy as children but grew closer and closer as we got older.
If someone would have told me, "Ash, you don't want to be an actress - its a hard life." I would have laughed in their face. Deep down, that is what I have always wanted to be. I blame it on church. My brother (he hated it) and I got a great start in singing and acting in children's plays and it really stemmed from there. In my mind, I was always born to entertain and be on a stage in some form or fashion. I guess that is why I went into radio. It allowed me to capture an audience and spread the music that I love so dearly. Radio has allowed me to express myself in ways I could only imagine.
There are many reasons why I love radio. Especially KVOM -that would take days and days to talk about. Scott was very proud to listen to me on air by the way and loved KVOM as well. He had a passion for this music as much as I do. But, being an actress in that form (on air) is something they don't teach you in college.
Now, when I say, being an "actress" I am referring to the fact that I am hiding my true emotions, yet still trying and struggling to put on a happy face. Life happens, you must learn to cope and move on in some form or fashion. As a morning show DJ or someone in the public eye you must carry on a persona and that "Happy Go Lucky" attitude. Which is something I have been struggling with today and over the last couple of weeks. How do you manage these raw emotions that are hard to deal with in real life; not to mention all while being on air? Its hard to carry on day to day things at work without ripping your heart out and showing your vulnerable side to the masses. So today, for this moment. I am not a fan of being what I call, an "actress." And this my friend, is something they do not teach you in college.
With that being said, as heavy as my heart is- I have always refrained from putting to much of my personal life on the airwaves. Quite frankly, deep down, I would get tired of hearing about the personal lives each day of the local morning show DJ. I wanna hear great music, headlines, and funny stories -not them constantly saying the word, "I." So, that has been my thought process when I have cracked the mic every morning since 2009. Don't get me wrong, I love to cut up and tell funny stories that happen. But I love to make my show about the listeners.
With this month almost behind me, I am reflecting on the good things that have happened. Instead of the bad; and believe me (I would have to write a whole other post about all of the negative things that happened this past month. Seriously it has been horrible. More bad than good -hands down) it has been a cruddy month. However, back in June I got married to my best friend. We are now trying to buy a farm. My mom got married to a wonderful man who treats her like a queen and is everything I could ask for as far as someone to accompany her in life. I paid off my boat this year. I took a management position with our company, Max Media as the Digital Media Manager. I have grown my side enterprise, "Southern Belle Media" drastically. My little sister started her senior year. I have grown closer and closer to my older half sister, Kayla and niece Maelyn. (Who I can not imagine life without) My Uncle Jason -who is like a big brother to me, got married to a wonderful girl and they now have a precious little boy. Overall, I have had many blessings. Even though my brother isn't here in the physical world to rejoice in these milestones, I know he is with me step by step in the day. Scott loved the Lord beyond all means and also made the most important decision of his life many years ago. To accept the Lord as his savior and to follow him. I remember crying when we were at church camp like it was yesterday. I was so excited. Tears of joy rolled down my face. (I am a TOTAL softy -Another reason I could have NEVER made it in TV news. I would ruin a good story by crying on air as I would be reading it. It's different in radio. HA) Of course, as Christians and folks in general we face challenges and struggles every day. From the bad decisions we make, we learn from. This was the story of my brothers life. And boy.... does he have some stories. We both do. But, on days like today... the anniversary of his death is the moment he went to the best place we can not even imagine, heaven. Those who we love don't go away, they walk with us everyday.-still. That is the only thing that gives me the comfort on days like these. Some days are harder than others but I know we will see each other on the other side; one day. -And we will rejoice in the Lord together!
So, thank you for the thoughts and prayers today. I love you all dearly. My dear close (other mother) shared this with me today: Psalm 34:18 (ESV) "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."